The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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