You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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