HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
