and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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