It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize