The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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