remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
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If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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