I accidentally had phone sex last night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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