genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
