I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
