GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
