There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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