Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
