He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
