are you still at the devil's house?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
