Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
