Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
