I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
