every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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