I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
