He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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