That's when you crack a 10am beer
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
