Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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