just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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