Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
