So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
