if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
