and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
love makes seman taste better
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
