Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
