how can u be prego again
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just found puke in my bra..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
