I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
