He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
