I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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