the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
