im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
