drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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