bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
