im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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