tonight lets celebrate not being married
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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