Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
