she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Even my vagina gasped.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
