Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
