I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
