listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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