Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
