i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
