he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
