Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
