he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
