at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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