i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
