Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
