you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
