Umm I'm too high to move.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
