She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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