Whod you bang
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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