end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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