It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
