those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
