I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
