you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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