So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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