i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
