hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
