I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Randomize
