He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
