I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
