her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
