Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
